Must Be Strong
by Steffi Anderson
Summary: Zel's mind is pretty screwed up after running from Rezo... (retelling of zel's transformation and events afterwards)
1. strength

Must be strong.  
  
Fire, screams. Taunting him.  
  
Must be strong.  
  
His parents. Trapped.  
  
Must be strong.  
  
His sister. Dead.  
  
Must be strong. Must be strong.  
  
"Must be strong!"  
  
All of them. Lost forever.  
  
Clang.  
  
Echoing through the forest. An unnatural sound in such a peaceful place.  
  
Clang.  
  
Zelgadis ignored it. He swung with his sword.  
  
Clang.  
  
The sound was on top of him. Again he attacked the air in front of him.  
  
Clang!  
  
His sword flew down in a perfect arc, imbedding its blade deep in a fallen tree trunk. Zelgadis released the hilt. He turned around to stare into his grandfather's face. His grandfather stared back through unseeing eyes. Blind at birth, but watching like a hawk. Rezo, the Red Priest, a well- known holy icon in the world today.  
  
"Grieving like this won't help." Rezo spoke. His closed eyes stared straight ahead of him, not seeing Zelgadis. "But if it is strength you want." He turned his head to face his grandson, "I can make you strong. But in return you must help me."  
  
Must be strong.  
  
Always taunting him.  
  
He must be strong!  
  
Zelgadis looked back up at Rezo. He was family, and a powerful member at that. If he could help him, then why not return the favor?  
  
"Well?" Rezo asked, "Do you accept."  
  
A feeble answer. "Yes," Then a stronger more determined approval. "Yes!"  
  
"Good." Rezo lifted his staff, and struck the ground once more.  
  
Clang!  
  
He pointed the rounded end at Zelgadis.  
  
Zelgadis didn't know what to expect.  
  
But not this.  
  
Not the pain.  
  
Not the twisting of bones in his body. Not the agony in his head. Not the deformity of his soul.  
  
He screamed. It was the only thing he knew to do. A scream wrenched from the depths of his lungs, driven on by the pain and agony. It went on for all eternity.  
  
Then it stopped.  
  
His suspended body dropped to the ground like a rag doll. Zelgadis could feel the gravel of the ground rub against the rock. The rock of his skin.  
  
He stared at his hands. Not flesh, but the cold-gray blue of stone. He felt his face. Small stones protruded the surface in a number of areas. His hair was stiff and twanged like wire. His body was deformed.  
  
Slowly Zelgadis became aware of Rezo. His grandfather was still standing there, admiring his handy work. "It will take some time to get used to," He said in such and uncaring tone, "but you will." The blind man smiled.  
  
"Don't be late for dinner." 


	2. why

Decided to continue. Don't know how long I will go for, depends on feedback and me. Hope you enjoy! ^.^  
  
  
  
Why?  
  
One foot, then the other.  
  
Why?  
  
Palms to the ground. And push.  
  
Why?  
  
Up he roase. Standing.  
  
Why?  
  
Zelgadis was surprised at his flexibility. Rock didn't bend. He shifted his weight so he could maintain a vertical position.  
  
Strange. The stone of his skin added no weight on his body. He could still move freely, if not weakly for now.  
  
But he couldn't get used to it. He still stared down at his body in disbelief. Still ran his hands over his chest, feeling through stone, not flesh. He still twirled a strand of hair about one finger. So stiff. So lifeless. So sad.  
  
A nightmare. It was all a nightmare. Nothing more.  
  
But the pain was still fresh in his mind. Still there to anguish his heart. And his grandfather. Rezo's face, strong in his mind.  
  
Why?  
  
The unanswered question. Why?  
  
Why had Rezo done this? Why this form? Why had his grandfather come at all?  
  
Was it only to torture him? Or was it just a joke?  
  
What had Zelgadis done wrong? To make Rezo do this to him. His own family.  
  
One foot in front of the other.  
  
Step.  
  
Next foot in front of the first.  
  
Step.  
  
His feet were bare but no twig, leaf or stone could injure them. He was making progress. He had to get home. Had to find Rezo. Had to be returned to normal.  
  
Zelgadis faced towards the direction of home. Rezo's home, but still his own as well.  
  
He had to find out. Why? He had to know why.  
  
Sunlight caught the blade of his sword. Still imbedded in the fallen tree trunk, just as he had left it. And so he left it now. Untouched by any hands but those of a human boy. A saddened, but still human boy. 


	3. forever

"You have returned, Zelgadis."  
  
He had made no noise on entry, no greeting, no call. Just searched for his grandfather. And now, he had found him too.  
  
Rezo had his back to Zelgadis. A tall red wall towering over him. Zelgadis stood patiently. He could find no words. Nothing to say now that Rezo was actually there. So he just stood. Stood and waited.  
  
"Of course you have returned." The Red Priest continued, turning to face his grandson, "We both knew that."  
  
He had told jokes to Rezo. He had watched Rezo heal others. He had spent quality time with Rezo like all children do their grandparents. Why was he now silent? Why did he now feel scared of him?  
  
Yet still, still he hoped it was a trick. It hand been months since those times, but he still hoped.  
  
"How-" Zelgadis stopped to work the moisture back up. "How long am I to stay like this?"  
  
"Forever."  
  
It hung in the air.  
  
Forever.  
  
I echoed in his mind.  
  
Forever.  
  
It dragged on, empty and desolate.  
  
"Why?" The unanswered question.  
  
"Can you not see why?" Rezo's voice was above him but so far away. "You wanted strength and now I have mercifully granted your wish."  
  
"There's nothing merciful about this." Zelgadis whispered. He daren't say it any louder. His shoulders were slumped. His feet dragged. He hung his head as if the weight were too much. Tears welled at the corners of his eyes.  
  
Forever.  
  
He was trapped like this forever.  
  
Rezo laughed.  
  
Laughter that filled the room. Laughter that did not suite a holy man. Laughter that sent a shiver down Zelgadis' spin. Cold laughter.  
  
"Why do you look so down, Zelgadis?" Rezo mocked. The Priest waved a dramatic arm. "Oh worry not. You are only third golem. I would not do you such insult." Zelgadis looked up. Rezo's back faced him once more. "You are a chimera."  
  
Chimera. A freak.  
  
"Remember," Rezo continued, "We have a deal. A bond that you cannot break."  
  
The deal.  
  
"How long?" He already knew the answer.  
  
"As long as you are in that body." Rezo smiled a cold smile that went no further then his lips.  
  
Forever. 


	4. resent

I like this better then the last two. By the way, I'm aware Rezo is both his grandfather and great grandfather, I just kept with the closest relation for effect. ^.-  
  
  
  
He cried.  
  
Wailing.  
  
Screaming.  
  
Shouting.  
  
Ululating.  
  
But no one came.  
  
No one came running to wrap their arms about him. No one came to hold him. No one came to comfort him. No one came to tell him it was all right. Everything would be all right. No one came for him.  
  
He was alone.  
  
Totally and utterly alone.  
  
So he had cried. Cried until the last tear fell. Cried until the pain could no longer be felt. Cried until he could cry no longer.  
  
What did I do wrong? What did I do to Rezo? Wasn't I good enough? Why wasn't I? How can I make it up? Why? How? What?  
  
He was trapped. The door was open, no one guarded the mansion but he was trapped. Trapped forever in this body. Trapped in his mind.  
  
Forever.  
  
Why?  
  
Strength. Because of strength.  
  
He slammed a fist against the wall, creating a fair sized dent.  
  
"Damn you Rezo." He cursed under his breath. "Damn you Rezo!"  
  
He couldn't go out. He couldn't leave. He couldn't break the bond. Rezo had made sure of that. He was trapped here, serving his grandfather.  
  
He looked in the mirror.  
  
No.  
  
He wouldn't live like this.  
  
"No!" He screamed and threw a chair at his reflection. The shimmering surface shattered into a million pieces, ringing and echoing as they fell to the ground. Broken, like his life.  
  
Zelgadis collapsed to the ground, hugging his knees and rocking back and forth in an insane motion.  
  
No one would come for him. And he wanted no one. He wanted to be alone.  
  
He wanted to kill. Wanted to kill Rezo. His grandfather.  
  
An eye for an eye. 


	5. running

Running.  
  
Tripping.  
  
Falling.  
  
Zelgadiss cursed. He pushed himself back up off the forest floor.  
  
He had been running. Running forever. Running from Rezo. Running from himself. He had to get away.  
  
No destination was in mind. He just had to keep going.  
  
But he was alone. With nowhere to go, no one to care, he was lost. Howling. Walking aimless. Looking for an escape.  
  
He didn't tire. Didn't get warn out. He had Rezo to thank for that. But he would have given it all up just to touch flesh again. Just to swim again. Just to live again.  
  
He stopped.  
  
Rezo was in front of him. His form was illuminated by a red glow against the night. Zelgadiss took an unwilling step back. Rezo smiled.  
  
"Won't you be needing this?" The Red Priest asked. "If you want to kill me." He held out his hands. Resting gently on his palms was a sword. Zelgadiss' sword. The one he had left behind. A human boy's sword. It fitted Rezo's hand perfectly. It taunted him.  
  
"That was your intention wasn't it?" Rezo asked calmly, "Or were you just going to run. Keep on running and hiding in the shadows like some helpless animal. Hope someone will accept you for what you are." He hefted the sword into one hand. "Your father was a good swordsman." He mocked.  
  
Anger burnt up inside of him. And Rezo was the fuel. It wormed its way through his stone. It pushed rationality aside. It collected in the palm of his hand. "Damn you." He cursed under his breath. "Damn you Rezo."  
  
Rezo smiled.  
  
The anger began to take form. A ball in his hand. The easiest spell he knew.  
  
"Fireball!"  
  
His scream echoed about the forest, driven on by the silent night. The light illuminated the scene. Zelgadiss' hand shook.  
  
Rezo brushed the spell aside.  
  
"And your mother a good sorceress." The priest mocked once more. "Runs in the family."  
  
Zelgadiss spat. "You are not my family!" He yelled, "I have no family! They are all dead!"  
  
Rezo lifted an eyebrow. "Indeed. They are. And whose fault is that?"  
  
Zelgadiss cried. He hunched over and hung his head once more. His family. Dead. And he had done nothing. Nothing to help them. Nothing to stop them.  
  
His grandfather strode over to him. Zelgadiss just stood like a beacon. Rezo implanted the sword at his feet. "You mightn't have a family." His voice was cold and stern. "But you have a master. And that is me."  
  
A strong hand clasped Zelgadiss' shoulder. He froze.  
  
"Mono bolt." He heard his grandfather's voice.  
  
It was if he had been struck by lightning. Only lightning was momentary. This wasn't.  
  
Again he screamed. Again pain surrounded. Again it dragged on. Again helplessness drove home.  
  
And again it stopped.  
  
He was on the ground, the hilt of the sword in front of his eye. Dazed, still feeling the jerks of electricity vibrate with in him. He looked up to Rezo once more. Hatred painted his face like a mask.  
  
"Go." Rezo said. "Go and run. Go and hide. But remember." He flicked one of Zelgadiss' ears. His finger nail hit rock. "This will always be with you." 


	6. lost

Think I have made this more depressing the need be. Oh well. Enjoy again ^.^  
  
  
  
Freak!  
  
  
  
  
  
Monster!  
  
  
  
Kill it!  
  
Destroy it!  
  
Die hellspawn!  
  
There voices followed him. Urged him on as he ran from village to village seeking refuge. But they only chased him.  
  
He could do nothing to help. He tried using a spell to stop them and that only confirmed their suspicions.  
  
So he was left running. Running from them as he had run from Rezo.  
  
Rezo. The one who did this to him. The one who broke him. The one he hated.  
  
His grandfather. The one who cared for him. The one who took him in. The one who helped him.  
  
Tears built up again.  
  
Rezo was the only one who offered him sanctuary from his curse. The only one who didn't look at him like a freak. The only one to smile, as cruel as it may have been. He still smiled at him. Still talked to him. Still cared for -  
  
No! Rezo hated him! That's why he had done this. That's why he had made Zelgadiss suffer. Because he hated him.  
  
And Zelgadiss hated Rezo. He wanted to kill him. He wanted to kill him if only he could. If only he was strong enough.  
  
The tears flowed freely again, creating little rivers between the stones of his skin. He was lost. Who was he? Where was he? What was his?  
  
And what of Rezo? What had become of Rezo? His.grandfather. Bitter words surrounded that thought.  
  
"This will always be with you." Rezo's words. A prison to carry on his back.  
  
How had Rezo found him before? And why did he let him go? Did Rezo know something he didn't? Was there no other cure in the world? Was the Red Priest himself the only person who could return him to a human body?  
  
What did he have to do to get it? Did he have to plead? Get down on his knees and beg to Rezo? It was the only thing he hadn't tried. And Zelgadiss would.  
  
No! He wouldn't! He wouldn't give Rezo that satisfaction. He had to be strong. Rezo had given him strength and he had to use. Turn against his creator.  
  
Oh, but it was so hard. Rezo was too strong. Zelgadiss knew that. Not in a lifetime of study would he reach Rezo's current position. And.he didn't want to kill. Not like those who had killed his family. Those who had taken away hope.  
  
Rezo was his only living relative left. There shared the same blood.  
  
Tear were dry.  
  
No. He wouldn't return to Rezo. Not until he could make a difference.  
  
Forever. 


End file.
